you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
