it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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