I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
