so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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