I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
