the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
