Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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