how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
