There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
