That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
