i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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