Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
