how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
