Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
