drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
