Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
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I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules