I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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