you guys were way drunker than both of me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Randomize
