People in love make me want to vomit
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
