You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
