On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
