just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
