i need an iv and a liver transplant
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
