That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Houston, we have a squirter
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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