no, he came in my armpit
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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