Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
