im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
