No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
