Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
