I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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