New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
