I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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