I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
