She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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