I hate all girls vehemently.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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