Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
