I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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