who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
