Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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