He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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