how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
