; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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