I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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