my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
