Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
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seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
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Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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