M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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