Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
