Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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