There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
