walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
pray to the hookup gods
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
