"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
