"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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