She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just gift wrapped bread.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
