Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your shirt... Was in my pants
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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