so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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