My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
