there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
