Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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