im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
