I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
