I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
