woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
