hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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