What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
