kristin has been a bad kristin
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
