Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
