the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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