Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
