i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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