I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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