Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
