garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
