He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just cropdusted the office
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
