just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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