It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
