There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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