He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
