I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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