hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
